Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
