I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
