oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
