you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
