My first STD was from a foam party
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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