Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize