We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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