know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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