Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
