I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Ladies don't puke and tell
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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