I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just blew my weed a kiss
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
