Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
