i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
