if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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