one might say we're banned from that church
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
