All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize