apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
