he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
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