Who wears a wallet chain?!
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
