HIV tests are more positive than that guy
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
