He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
