In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize