So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
