if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
