Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
