i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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