shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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