seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
