I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
