Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
