Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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