He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize