Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
