would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm at about main and main street
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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