im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
