He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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