i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
