i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
