She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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