He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
