i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
