ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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