there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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