I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
