Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
