hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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