I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
