What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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