ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
