you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
