I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
