Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
