you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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