I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Let's paint friendship bongs
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Randomize
