5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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