I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
