Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
