she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It's just like the Real World with babies
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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