We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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