This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
