what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize