I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
