friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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