I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
