i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Randomize
