Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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