She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
