Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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