Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
