I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize