i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
