hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
