I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
