it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
