Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize