i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
