Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
