who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize