My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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