Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize