I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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