omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
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