I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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