I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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