So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize