Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
