I must be too annoying 4 u.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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