I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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