ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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