I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
