he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
