i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
