He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
