your room smells of hookers.
And success
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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